You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
