Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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