Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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