i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
