is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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