Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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