dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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