You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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