so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
