Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
