i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Panties = found
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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