The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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