is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
