I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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