So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
