put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
