Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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