Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
