well you can't waste a boner
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
