I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
