Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
