i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
