We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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