Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
