Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
