I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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