he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
