I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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