pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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