If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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