naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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