I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
