I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
