I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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