I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
