i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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