Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
