I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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