Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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