i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
