You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
