He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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