So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
