Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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