we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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