Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
