This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
