Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
