my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
