i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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