i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
