haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
