that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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