Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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