do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
