Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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