I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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